Fair Share of Momhood

During our early morning play session, I stood Beauty up while I was laying on the bed. Pretty normal, she loves looking down and I love staying in bed at 6 am. She got a funny look on her face, so I grabbed a rag and caught the suspected spit up.

Ninja-like reflexes of the Mommy kind.

It would have landed right on my face, possibly in my gaping open mouth as I made ridiculous faces and sounds to make her smile and dance. Almost everyone I know has had that experience of spit up in their mouth, but not me. I've always been too paranoid.. Like this morning, I wasn't sure.. that funny look could mean 20 different things.. but I grabbed a rag to be safe. And I was right. But I wonder if I am missing out on an important part of parenthood.. The right to tell my daughter in 10 years, "Hey, I don't want to hear it! I changed your diapers! I pushed your almost 8 pounds out of my vagina! You spit up in my mouth!"

She has gotten close a few times with her milky drool bombs, but still I catch up. All of them. And that is quite a feat. Beauty is the most drooly baby I have ever seen. At 1 month old, she drooled as much as Booboo did at 4 months while teething, and I had to swim to his crib every morning to save him from drowning. SO MUCH DROOL. I feel sharp little knobs in Beauty's gums and I seriously think she is trying to teeth. But those baby teeth need the grown up teeth to push em out and its just not happening. She is worse than a bulldog.

Drool monster of the baby kind.

But I still don't let it drop into my mouth.

Although she has gotten me with the poop. Booboo used to pee on my mom or his dad every time they took off his diapers. It used to be quite the production for some else to change him, and I would laugh hysterically until I felll on the floor. EVERYTIME. He didn't ever pee on me. Not once. Not even into my mouth, he saved that for Grandma. But Beauty poops when I wipe her bum. PROJECTILE.

As I lift up her legs and bum to finish cleaning her, with no warning, she projectile poops all up my hand and arm. The yellow squirts would have reached my face, I'm quite sure, if I hadn't immediately stuck my hand over it to stop the fountain of disgustingness. Just like my first time playing with a boy in the back of a car. True story.

She hasn't just soaked my hand in poop once. She has done it a few times, each with less warning signs than before. Luckily now, her poops are a bit more solid and less squirty. But still. I know Heather at Dooce claims to have the Olympic Medal pooper, but she hasn't seen this kid.

I keep 2 full outfits, socks and bows even, in the diaper bag at all times because I know that in that 10 minute run to the store she will blow out and it will get EVERYTHING. It doesn't matter if I change her the moment we are leaving, she will poop again. Explosively. And sometimes, she will do it again. I think she enjoys watching me sprint to the bathroom. Booboo finds it hilarious, that's for sure.

Single mom with two little ones. Don't get in my way when I'm headed to the bathroom. Or the laundry room.

So I don't feel to awfully bad about shoving a rag in her face when she is looking awfully sharing. I've had my fair share of momhood already.