Breast Is Best..Sometimes..

As I start this latest round of my medical Journey, I face new challenges and views as a nursing mother.

Nursing this time is really important to me. With Booboo, I couldn't produce enough milk and had to do supplement with half formula. When I had my wisdom teeth out and needed pain meds (and to sleep for 2 days straight), he was 5 months old and I figured it was ok to let my milk finish depleting. He was mostly a formula baby from hospital on anyway. I really feel like I missed out on an incredible experience of nursing him. Frankly, I felt like I was an incomplete WOMAN and a horrible mother.

So this time, I have been DETERMINED to make breastfeeding work. I'm not 17 anymore, my breasts are capable, and I just need the support of those around me to make it work. I have read thousands of articles of how to get the most from breastfeeding, all the important nutrients and antibodies that only breast milk provides, the lifelong benefits, physical and emotional, of breastfeeding. I get it. I'm convinced. This is the most important thing I can do for my baby.

And it was going pretty damn good! I was thrilled that I was producing enough milk for her, and even saving a little for a rainy day. The world revolved around her feeding schedule, and it was always priority numero uno. I bought (well, insurance bought) a kick ass breast pump from Medela that made it possible to feed her even while maintaining a wild, crazy, busy life on the town every weekend. Her dad got to feed her occasionally too.

But the best part was the feeling. I was providing enough for my baby. I was giving her the best possible diet. She smiled and coo'd at me after I fed her, and she snuggled up close to me during every feeding, soaking up and loving the feeling of my skin. Holding my baby to my belly and feeling her suck released every possible endorphin my body makes, I swear. I LOVE breastfeeding and did everything to make sure I could continue. Even when she developed reflux and I learned there were some of my favorite things that I could cut from my diet to make it easier, I did it. Done. Eggs? Buhbye. Chocolate?? Maybe later. MILK???? Rice milk isn't too bad is it..blagh!

You will soon learn why milk deserves four question marks. Its my favorite meal.

But now I wonder if I was too obsessed and overcome by the drive to breastfeed. The Universe decided that now was the time I needed to have my gallbladder kick the bucket, which means lots of meds and surgery.

This stirred a huge debate among people in my life. Which meds are ok to pay to Beauty via breast milk? Prescription pain medication containing codeine was the initial concern. The doctors said it was ok. The pharmacist said it was ok. The Emergency Room doctor said even the morphine was ok. Beauty's father, E, was NOT ok with it however. Friends initially were very against the idea as well.

All the research I found represented 3 main viewpoints: The doctors (Its ok to let it pass), the drug companies and pharmacists (Listen to the doctors), and the mothers (DO NOT BREASTFEED AT ALL). Some articles(mothers) said that research on how much passes and the effects were very inconclusive so err on the safe side and don't do it. They said that no one could be sure how long until the drug would not enter the breast milk any more. Other research I found from the AAP (doctors) said that by 3 hours after taking the medication that less than 1% of the drug even enters the milk, and to treat it like I do alcohol.

I decided that I am ok feeding her if I pump the first feeding following taking the pill, and I do not allow a mass amount to store in my body. Research was less favorable for morphine, so I decided to pump and dump for 15 hours before feeding her again and watched her closely. She never showed any signs of receiving medication, being sleepy or delirious. E and friends still disagreed and did not support my decision, until they heard from a former addict.

She said that in her extensive experience with prescription pain medication, one or two pills a day, taken a few hours before the next feeding, had no effect on her kids while she was breastfeeding. It convinced quite a few minds, and my plan was a lot less far-fetched.

But the question posed to me still haunts my mind: "Really? You are ok put that drug in your daughter's body?"

Que every "I'm a horrible horrible mother" thought I've ever had.

And I guess the answer is yes, as long as it doesn't effect her, I am ok with it. But it makes me wonder, is it just the codeine that makes us worry about passing it on? After all, it is only codeine and half a dose of tylenol. That is one pain pill. And no one seems to worry about taking max doses of ibuprofen and tylenol while nursing. That is all I had after giving birth, max tylenol and ibuprofen every 4-6 hours. Not one nurse, doctor, friend, or concerned writer on the Internet seemed concerned about that passing to my daughter. So is it just the codeine?

As my son has gotten older, I actually welcome the codeine in his cough medicine. I love that it helps him sleep thru the night and offers a break from the constant misery that colds bring on. Its been that way as long as I can remember. Most moms and dads I know feel the same way. So where does it change? When does it become ok to give kids codeine? Or even antibiotics?

When I had to take antibiotics prior to my surgery, I quit breastfeeding altogether and turned to formula and using up the storage I had acquired. Antibiotics are scary to me, and there is so much unknown about them, that the risk of passing it to her and her acquiring an immunity to antibiotics was much too high to justify feeding her. But it makes me wonder, why am I concerned about what I am putting in her body but not mine??

I am so concerned about giving her the best possible food. Giving her healthy breast milk that will not induce reflux or vomitting. I eat healthy foods and take my vitamins so I can pass along the nutrients. I am concerned about the negative things I am passing along, but the benefits of breastfeeding have outweighed the minimal risks of the medication. But why don't I put this much care into my own nutrients and risks and benefits?

What are your thoughts on the issue? Do you think about what you put in your own body? Do you take whatever drug the doctor tells you to, or do you hesitate? If you don't take the prescription, what do you take? Where is the line between "harmless drugs" like tylenol and risky drugs? Do you feel like a bad parent by doing or not doing what the doctor says?