Chosing To Blossom

"And then the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom"

-Anais Nin

A long time ago.. ok, not so long, more like last fall.. I was told that I wasn't ready to create the life I dreamed about. And when the pain of the life I was living got to be enough, I would make the appropriate changes. That smart man was absolutely correct.

Pain is a very powerful motivator for me, unfortunately. It drives me to screw my life up and to fix it again. I want to avoid pain so much that I hurt those around me consistently while trying to protect myself. Like when I cut a friend from my life for fear of continued criticism.

Yet, I know how powerful the drive of true happiness can be as well. I just forget. In the moment, I lose sight of the bigger picture, I forget what brings me joy and just try to avoid pain. With my life as proof, I know that avoiding pain is the quickest way to bring more pain into my life. Avoiding pain and seeking pleasure are NOT the same thing, despite how much easier that would make my life. Seriously.

When you come down to it, its simply a choice! I have the choice to hide my beauty in a bud or I can take the scary risk and blossom. In that moment, I get to chose what I focus on, being afraid or bringing the light.

And that is something I get to practice more.. Maybe I should tattoo it to the back of my hand so I remember moment to moment..