Angry Rant

The drama is overwhelming.

I don't want to be friends with someone who shoves feedback down my throat and doesn't listen to me. I don't want to be friends with someone who doesn't see anything wrong with saying "fucking" every other word in a raised tone. I don't want to sit and listen for a half hour straight to someone tell me all the things I do wrong and how to do things right. I don't want to be berated with all the "always" and "nevers" that frankly are not true. I don't want to continuously be denied (and told I'm not listening for wanting) the chance to explain, clarify, or refute things that are not true.

I want to vent occasionally. I want to cry with someone and just know that I'm not alone. I want to not be looked down upon or criticized for crying or having a bad day. What happened to just plain showing you have faith in those you love? What happened to just listening?

He isn't capable of being what I want. He is going to jump in and try to fix it and tell me everything he thinks I'm doing wrong. He refuses to just listen. He asks questions he doesn't want the answers to. And he doesn't accept answers that don't fit the way he thinks they should look. And its absolutely wrong of me to try and change him. Its wrong of me to expect him to be what I want. That is who he is choosing to be. And he is choosing to not be involved in my life because that is who he is. Honestly, I'm probably better off.

NOW.

I know Im avoiding. I know that Im pissed off and therefore must be feeling some bad things about myself underneath the surface. But I dont want to look or deal with those right now. I want to rant and be angry and throw lipstick at my pillow to see how high I can get it to bounce back. I know this isnt going to do any good or be healthy, but it feels better than dealing with the constant emotional damage I have brewing underneath.

So deal with it.