March 2010

Letter to my little bugs

Dear Taterbug, (Beauty)

Your Pappy has just passed away, days before you are due to be born. The world has suffered a great loss, and your Daddy's family feels it the most.

My very first thought when I heard the news of his passing was that he was no longer going to be there at the hospital when you are born. I don't get to capture the moment he first held you on film, and I am very sad about that.

He was so looking forward to meeting you, and you held a very special place in his heart. You are the first grandchild to carry on his name, his legacy. You will have the same twinkling eyes behind those rosy cheeks, just like Pappy and your Daddy. So carry them proudly, and remember the rich heritage it represents.

He felt you move in Mommy's belly for the first time just a week before he went back to heaven. I cant even describe the excitement and light in his eyes as you and him connected for the first time in this physical realm. The love he has for you radiated thru his hands and teary eyes.

But he has always loved you, always will, and still does at this very moment. I am so grateful to your Pappy because I know he will always be there, being an angel to my precious angelbug. I know that he left this physical existence at this moment specifically so that he could return to you in heaven, and help you prepare to meet your family here. He is holding your hand right now, telling you not to be scared, and telling you all the work he did during his time here, just to make way for you to learn the perfect lessons and have amazing experiences and be exactly the parts of special you want to be!

He is telling you what an amazing Daddy he raised for you, and how many people are waiting to love and guide you. He is telling you that he will always be there whenever you ask, helping you create miracles. And he is telling you all the ways your unique vibration is going to ripple out and change the world. And he is absolutely right. Your Pappy is a very smart spirit!

(And trust me Bugaboo, you will miss his long-winded talks when you cant hear them anymore. Luckily, your Daddy is so very much like him!)

Please know how much your family all loves your Pappy, and how blessed your life is because of his specialness. He has taught all of us, in so many ways, both in life and in death. I'm sad that you wont experience him in his physical form, but I know you can absolutely keep that relationship with his spirit thruout your life. You were an angel to him, and now it is his turn to be your angel. You are a lucky, lucky bug.


And my dear Boobug,(Booboo)

I don't think you can possibly understand how lucky you are to have known "Happy." He loved you and treated you as if you were his own grandson, his only grandson.

You have taught me so much as I grieve the loss of Happy. You have shown me that it is ok to be sad and cry, because it just means that I love him. You told me that Pappy was sleeping, a different kind of sleep that he wont wake up from, and that he was ok still. You told me that Happy's body was just going into a stone with his name on it, and that we could still go say "Hi" to him, and when we did that, you want to bring him a flower.

I don't know where you learned so much about death, because I am not very good with it. You are so enlightened, and you inspire me. I love your sincerity and honesty. You are full of love, no matter what. Even if you haven't seen Happy in months, you retain that innocent love. You get it, and I am so grateful and blessed to be your student.

Please know that he still loves you, and is still there for you, Boobug. Remember the times you had with him, playing cars before dinner, teasing you as silly old men do, and him wanting to know EVERY DETAIL about your Christmas morning. And remember always what you taught me: that he truly is "Happy" now.

Love always,
Mommy