When You Find You

Its amazing the things the universe provides when I am open to them..

Ive been struggling to find the balance between respecting his choice to leave and trusting all that is inside of me that says we are meant to be together. He swears that he will never be with me again. I swear there is no one else for me. I love HIM, and all that is him. I love that he yells at random people on the road. I love that he turns a shade of pink when I embarrass him. I love the face he makes when he is angry and trying not to cry. I love the quirks and flaws in him, its what endears him to me. I can relate to him on such a deep level. And maybe I am a masochist, but on some level, I love that he runs away when he gets scared.

I know he is scared. Terrified that if we are together it will all be bad times, terrified that we will never make it to the top of that mountain. It is his ego convincing him of all these things, when in his heart, deep down, he knows they arent true. Just as I have lost sight of my goals and progress, he has lost his sense of self, and he blames me for it.

He wants to go on his journey alone, afraid that if we walk side by side as partners, we will get lost in the jungle. I totally understand his fears, Ive had them myself. But I have remembered to not live in fear and to TRUST in love. I have the power to create an amazing future with this man by my side.

But its not fair to either one of us to continue holding on to him. I will never convince his ego of the possibilities the universe has to offer! I will never convince his ego the power that he holds to CREATE. And his ego is all that I am speaking to-he isnt listening to me with his heart, and Im wasting my breath.

So I no longer will try to convince him. He gets to make his own decisions, even if I know they are mistakes. I dont get to be his mommy and be concerned with his growth, because in doing so, I dont focus on my growth. It sucks hairy old man toes that he uses these excuses to end our relationship, but that is his choice. And when he is ready to choose different, I will still love him the same as I always have. I will be working on me no matter what, because Im worth it.

Just as I decided this, driving to drop off his things in fact, a song I have never heard came thru the car speakers. It is beautiful, perfect, and instantly brought me to tears.

Come Back To Me by David Cook