Lucky You

It astounds me how quickly I adapt to a relationship-style life. I feel so awkward every time Im single again. I spent my Friday and Saturday nights like a hermit. I recouped from being at school/work all day, napped, cuddled with my amazing Bug to Disney movies, and did laundry. I timed contractions and researched what I could do about this blasted cold while pregnant! Ive been journaling and reading and thinking after Bug falls asleep and before I drift off again myself. Full nights, and I pass out soundly well before the bars close.

Life is so much more fast paced while in a relationship. Its constantly, What should we do? Lets play a game! Lets see our friends! Lets runs some errands! While single, Im exhausted just from taking care of dinner and the kids by myself. Being in a relationship where those duties are shared opens up so much more play time for me.

Im not trying to complain. These are just observations of the trends in my life.

Altho, I would be lying if I said I dont feel a tinge of jealousy at the freedom he is experiencing right now. They all become HIS friends again, and I get to hear about all the fun they had together. He still gets to go do all the things we used to do together. And my normal hang-out companions are all hanging out without me, and not missing me.

Ugh. That is probably another victim story for me. I see that; it screams poor poor pitiful me. But its how I feel, and Im sad and lonely. I crave adult interaction that isnt focused on "Guess who was talking behind so-and-so's back today."

Im happy for him that he has such great friends and family to fill his life. Im glad that my daughter will get to have interaction with these amazing people. Im grateful for the time I have spent with them all for they have each truly touched my life.

And I deserve to just make the most of this time to myself. I have been able to uncover some truths about myself that I have been hiding with this time. They will be posted on here soon, when I take the time to type them all up. I have been jotting down notes BY HAND. ON ACTUAL PAPER. Miraculous, I know.

And I have been carrying that notebook around with me and writing in it whenever the inspiration flows-between appointments at school, while driving, right before falling asleep. Altho, tonight it is in the car still. I was falling asleep as I pulled into the driveway and meant to go back out to get it. And I would have, if it werent for sheer laziness for one, and now Im using my nightie and the cold air as an excuse to stay in bed and blog instead. Lucky you, reader.